Intimacy
by mhmartini
Summary: HieiKurama Kurama helps Hiei confront his past pain. Shonen ai.


A/N-I have editted out three sentences in an effort to make this fic not break any taboos here on ff dot net. Personally, it irked me to do that. Oh well. If for some reason it does get the boot (which it should not, because I do not believe it crosses any lines) it can be found, in its entirety on both my homepage (see profile) and mm dot org. (For some reason this thing likes to edit out references to websites, so that is the best I can do.) I hope you enjoy, please R&R. 

By the way, this story is shonen ai. Hiei and Kurama are a couple. Yes, they are lovers in this one. If you find this repulsive or offensive, then perhaps this is not a good place for you to be right now. I, personally, think they make a terrific couple. As a matter of fact, all my stories so far are about them. All are listed on my personal webpage (even the one I can't post here due to the lemon laws!) Shameless plug, I know. Oh well. 

Oh, I don't actually own them. 

-- 

Kurama finished placing the dishes into the dishwasher, and began wiping down the counters and table. He was concerned. Dinner had been unusually silent. Normally meals between the kitsune and his mate were enjoyable. Whether they talked or not, they enjoyed each others' company. Tonight was different. The fire demon had been very withdrawn, almost shunning the companionship offered to him. This had been going on for over a week now, and it was starting to alarm the fox. At the end of the terse meal, Kurama had suggested that Hiei go relax in the living room while he cleaned the kitchen. When he finished, he went to join his lover. 

Hiei sat in the center of the sofa, with his arms wrapped around himself. Something was obviously bothering him, eating him up from the inside. Despite his aloof demeanor in public, he was usually open with his fox. Tonight his posture screamed "leave me be". Tightening his lips into a thin line, Kurama decided to break through to whatever pain his beloved was trying to hide. He sat gingerly on the couch, next to the smaller form. Slipping an arm around the tense shoulders of the hiyoukai, Kurama gently asked, "What is it Hiei? Something isn't right, and hasn't been for some time. Please open up to me." Silence. Snuggling closer, the kitsune whispered, "Did I do something? Please let me know how to fix it." Hiei shifted to face his lover. "No, Fox. You have done nothing wrong. It's... It's something I don't care to share." Leaning back, Kurama stroked his fingers through the black, spiky hair. "Why not, Love? You know I am here for you?" "Yes, Fox, I know. I just can't. I don't know how. Please, just drop it." "Alright, Love. But I am here." Kurama replied, taking the smaller demon in his arms, and holding him close. 

After the movie on the television ended, the two demons made their way to their bedroom. After changing into their nightclothes, and climbing into bed, the kitsune snuggled his lover suggestively. Hiei responded by planting a long, lingering kiss on the fox's lips. As their cuddles became more and more lewd, the two shared deeper kisses, leading towards more. As things began to get very heavy, Hiei broke off and leaned away. "I'm sorry, Fox. I can't, not tonight." Kurama looked at his lover, trying to figure out what was going on. He heard the pain evident in the deep voice. Hiei wanted to continue. Kurama could easily feel that the body pressed to his wanted to continue as well, Hiei's readiness was apparent. But his was not the first time this week that Hiei had asked him to stop, actually it was the fifth. Kurama knew that it was something on Hiei's mind that was holding him back. This mysterious something was causing the fire demon to suffer. It seemed almost as if the dam of his emotions was cracking, and he was struggling with them, and losing. 

Turning onto his back, Kurama stared at the ceiling, and said softly, "I'm sorry, Hiei." "What?" the fire demon asked, confused. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I didn't mean to cause you pain. I apologize." "Fox, you did nothing! Is that what you think?" Kurama just sighed. "Okay, that is what you think. I can see why. I didn't stop you because I don't want to be with you, Fox. I do. I just can't right now. I can't give myself to you completely right now, and you deserve no less. It is I who should apologize, I am sorry." Turning his head to face his lover, Kurama asked, "What is it, Hiei? Something is paining you. I want to help you. Please share it with me." "I can't. I don't know how. I wish that I could. Kurama, you are closer to me than anyone has ever been, and I truly enjoy that. But there are some barriers that not even I can take down." Feeling inadequate, Kurama suddenly had an idea. 

"Hiei, do you trust me?" Kurama asked softly. "Of course, Fox. I trust you with my life." was the soft reply. "But, do you trust me with your heart?" Without even a slight pause, Hiei replied, "Implicitly." Kurama smiled. "I would like to try something. I think it will help you to relax and come to terms with whatever is eating you up inside." Hiei glanced at his fox curiously. "Okay. What do you want me to do?" Kurama got up from the bed and went to the dresser. "Take off your clothes, and lay on the bed, face down. Get comfortable." Hiei complied without hesitation. Kurama rooted through his various boxes and vials of seeds and extracts until he found the one he wanted. This was a special mixture he had prepared quite awhile ago. It blended the juices and extracts of several potent Makai plants, along with a few Ningenkai plants he had crossbred just for this oil. It was absorbed through the skin, and had a muscle relaxing influence. It also had mild hallucinogenic properties. Quickly, Kurama shed his own clothing and joined his lover on the bed. 

His idea was to give Hiei a massage. Not just any massage, this was an especially intimate massage, designed specifically to not only affect the body, but the mind as well. Step one was to relax every muscle in the small body. Only when the physical barriers were completely down, could the mental relaxation begin. The kitsune's goal was to have Hiei's mental barriers down as well. Even if the fire demon did not tell Kurama what was bothering him, this would allow him to come to terms with it in his own mind by exposing him to the pain he was trying to run away from. Kurama only hoped Hiei would forgive him for this terribly personal intrusion. 

The kitsune opened the vial and poured some of the oil into his hands, rubbing them together to warm them up. Starting at the center of Hiei's upper back, Kurama began massaging his mate's body. Slowly, he rubbed each muscle, pressing his fingers deeply into the flesh, causing the knots to loosen. Hiei sighed comfortably as the fox continued. As the oil soaked into his skin, the fire demon found his body relaxing more and more. That, coupled with the steady, repetitive manipulation of the skilled hands lulled him into a mild trance. Kurama worked Hiei's shoulders loose, then began working his way down the small, muscular back. Every inch of skin before him got his full attention. He continued rubbing, adding oil when needed, until he had completely relaxed Hiei's torso. Moving down, he massaged Hiei's tush, and continued down first one leg, then the other, including the small ankles and soles of the tiny feet. He then returned to Hiei's shoulders, and worked his way down one arm, relaxing each muscle. Further down he went, to the slim wrist, the hand, and finally each slender finger. Through all of this, Hiei's eyes remained closed, and his breathing deep and even. He was not asleep, but he was so deeply relaxed that he was getting much more true rest than sleeping provides. After finishing with the first arm, Kurama moved on to the other, giving it the same close care that he did the first. Finally, Hiei's body was completely relaxed, absolutely slack. Not a word had been spoken during the entire rubdown. 

Kurama looked at the clock. Plenty of time had passed for the oil to have absorbed into Hiei's bloodstream and taken effect. Slowly, Kurama leaned over the limp form. Softly he spoke, "Stay relaxed, Love, I am going to turn you over now." A barely audible "Mmm" was the only response. Gently, Kurama rolled Hiei to the side, and onto his back. This was the most delicate part. He had to get Hiei to open up his mind as well. Taking a deep breath, he started on the front side of Hiei's body, working in the opposite order, starting at the extremities and progressing towards the more central regions. He knew that if this worked as planned, the more intimate the massage became, the more emotions would be released inside the hiyoukai. Once he started, the fox knew he couldn't stop until those emotions had run their course. 

As he rubbed Hiei's small fingers in his own, he prompted gently, "Tell me about it, Hiei." Immediately, the entranced youkai began to speak. "It's Yukina. This is the first year she knows." Puzzled, the kitsune urged his lover to continue, working up the arm to the shoulder. "Tomorrow. She will be thinking tomorrow. What if she doesn't like it?" Kurama continued with the second arm, starting again at the hand, and slowly edging his way up to the shoulder. He could see by the expression on Hiei's face, that the closer he came to the strong chest, the more forceful the emotions became, and it would become more intense as he went. Before he could push the fire demon to continue, Hiei did so on his own. "They discarded me. They threw me away. What if she throws me away, as well? I don't want that. I never told her. I was afraid of being thrown away again. Tomorrow, she may change her mind." Starting on Hiei's foot, Kurama continued his progression up towards Hiei's torso again. "What is so special about tomorrow, Love?" he asked gently. "Our birthday." Kurama smiled. The small demon had guarded that little secret well. Kurama had never pressed to know when his lover's birthday was. He had asked once, and Hiei had pointedly refused to answer. Kurama appeased himself by giving Hiei several gifts at random times throughout the year, to make up for not having a special day for them. As he continued up Hiei's thigh, he noticed moisture in Hiei's eyes. When Kurama finished the first thigh, and retreated to the second foot, the moisture seemed to disappear. 

Kurama continued his work, up Hiei's second leg. Hiei spoke intermittently. Kurama knew that the effects of the oil were not wasted. Hiei was seeing in his mind memories that he had long ago pushed aside, memories that continued to haunt him, despite his denial. Most of what Hiei said made very little sense to the fox. Kurama could discern that Hiei was seeing his own fall from the floating city. He saw his sister, as he had for the first time. At one point, Hiei cried out in remembered pain, the pain of getting the Jagan implanted. Some memories caused him to smile; seeing Yukina holding the birds in her soft hands, seeing her smile at him, hearing her call him 'brother'. Most of the memories, however, made him shake or even whimper. Finally, when Kurama had finished with Hiei's limbs, he prepared for the most difficult part. 

Moving up the bed, he got some more oil, and began working on Hiei's chest. He progressed extra-slowly here, wanting to give Hiei whatever time he needed to come to terms with what he was feeling. Slowly, Kurama pressed his hands against the firm pectoral muscles. As he moved down to Hiei's stomach, the small half-koorime gasped, and the moisture began to collect in his eyes once more. Kurama knew only the most intense, and therefore the most painful memories lay ahead. As he rubbed even lower, over the well-defined abdominal muscles, the first tear fell. Coalescing into a dark sphere, it landed on the pillow next to Hiei's cheek. Kurama halted his descent and continued rubbing the abs before him. Hiei whimpered softly. "No. Don't go. Don't abandon me as well." he begged softly, as more tears made their way down to the pillow. Kurama moved even lower, massaging Hiei's groin with firm, gentle hands. Tears flowed, unchecked, from the closed, crimson eyes. The coherent speech stopped, replaced by muffled sobs and whimpers. 

This was not for pleasure, nor was it for release. The massage did not arouse the fire demon in that way, for which Kurama was grateful. If it had aroused him, then it would have failed. The efficacy of this massage was based on trust. It only was effective if given by one that the subject trusted completely, with no reservations. The one giving the massage must also do so with no ulterior motives. Release, climax, pleasure; these were separate from this experience. This was for Hiei, to allow the demon to accept the intimate feelings as brought forth by the intimate contact. The small hiyoukai was crying without reserve, as his mind was flooded with the memories he tried so hard to forget. Past trauma, both physical and emotional leapt up to confront him. Through the entire experience, Hiei was unable to control his normal obedient emotions. He was unaware of exactly what Kurama was doing. All he knew was the feeling of relaxation, followed by the dam of his feelings breaking wide open. Through it all, he was aware of the kitsune's touch. Although he could not define exactly what part of his body was being manipulated, he knew it was is fox, that his fox was there, by his side for this. As the remembered images and feeling grew more intense, the sensation of his fox grew nearer. This was his only comfort in the storm of raw emotion. 

Finally, as Hiei's sobs deepened, Kurama proceeded to the final phase, the most intimate contact, which would draw out the very root of Hiei's pain. The intensity of the contact caused Hiei to tilt his head back into the pillow, and open his mouth. Deluged with forgotten and denied remembrances, the hiyoukai sobbed uncontrollably. Kurama felt awful for forcing this upon his lover, but he knew that Hiei had to face these before they overwhelmed him completely. He had known for some time that the smaller demon had been plagued by his past. Tomorrow was the first birthday the twins would share as brother and sister, and this had brought these emotions to the surface. Facing them now was better than breaking down at a less private moment, either in front of their friends, or even during a battle. As he continued his ministrations, the fox allowed Hiei to just cry, and shed everything he had forced down for so long. 

Finally, the tears began to slow. The sobs that wracked Hiei's body lessened. Kurama continued until these had stopped completely. Looking carefully over his exhausted lover, the kitsune saw that Hiei had cried himself into a restful, healing sleep. Smiling, Kurama removed his tired hands from the small form. Silently, he collected all the hiruseki from around Hiei, and placed them into the night stand drawer. Then he gently climbed into bed and laid down next to his beloved. Drawing the blankets over both of them, he cuddled up to the hiyoukai, careful not to wake him, and whispered, "Whatever happened, whatever happens, I will never throw you away. I love you, Hiei. Forgive me." With that, the the fox drifted to sleep, finally allowing the effects of the oil take their toll on him as well. 

Hiei awoke slowly. His mind swam towards consciousness groggily, something very unusual for him. When he at last opened his eyes, he saw sunlight streaming in the window. His entire body was relaxed and loose. Shifting his gaze, without turning his head, he saw the red hair of his lover splayed across the pillow next to him. Green eyes looked lovingly into his own, as a soft alto murmured, "Good morning, Hiei. How do you feel?" Licking his lips, Hiei replied, and was startled by the low pitch of his own voice. "What did you do to me?" Averting his gaze, the fox answered, "I gave you a massage." "What kind of massage was that?" Hiei prompted. "The name of the technique has been lost to the passage of time, but it is a special massage that allows the body and mind to relax together. The memories released are as intimate as the touch of the masseuse. I, I was very intimate with you Hiei. It brought out many things." Hiei allowed himself a minute to digest this information in silence. He had known that something of that nature had happened. He couldn't recall the details, but he knew he felt better, physically and mentally, this morning than he had in a very long time. He had heard of such a technique, and was quite surprised that the fox knew how to perform it. He also knew that the success of such a technique depended entirely on the relationship between the subjects involved. He knew that when Kurama admitted to being 'very intimate' with him, it did not refer to anything sexual in nature, nor did he feel violated in any way. Instead, he was amazed at the depth of the bond that they had formed, for the massage to have been so effective. 

"Hiei, I, I wanted to help you. Forgive me, please?" Kurama asked softly. He knew Hiei always kept a tight rein on his emotions, and he felt that he had betrayed his lover for forcing him to release them, even if they were ready to explode on their own. His heart almost stopped when Hiei's soft voice responded, "No, Fox. I cannot forgive you. I can, however, thank you." Looking at the smaller demon questioningly, Kurama opened his mouth to ask a question, but Hiei spoke first. "I cannot forgive a wrong that has not been committed. There is nothing to forgive." Relieved, Kurama snuggled closer to his beloved. As they began drifting back off to sleep, Kurama said groggily, "Hiei?" "Mmm?" an equally sleepy voice replied. "Happy Birthday." Unseen by closed, green eyes, a soft smile was the only reaction, as both fox and fire demon let sleep claim them again. 


End file.
